"Opportunities to Do Good"

A friend called my attention today to an article by Dr. Perri Klass, a pediatrician, in the New York Times' Well column, called Understanding How Children Develop Empathy.  You can find it here.  The column looks at what we know about "how and why we become our better selves," noting that "the capacity to notice the distress of others, and to be moved by it, can be a critical component of what is caused prosocial behavior, actions that benefit others: individuals, groups, or society as a whole."   Empathy, in other words, can be that first step in developing a greater sense of responsibility for the world around you, and, we can hope, the habit of acting on that responsibility - volunteering, sharing what you have with those who have less, voting, signing petitions, starting social movements, etc. etc. etc.

So how do you foster empathy and prosocial behavior?  There are, according to the article, a couple of different theories (and some underlying science) about why people develop the capacity to feel for others, and the desire to help them.  The first is that it feels good to help others, and that we develop habits of charity for the same reasons we may develop other habits, that there is some "neurological reward" triggered that serves as motivation.  The second is that we develop social cognition, a recognition that other people have needs and goals.  The two theories are not mutually exclusive.  Taking this into consideration, the article suggests that we can foster this behavior in children in a few ways.  Parental modeling is important, always.  So is taking the time to explain how other people may feel as the result of another's behavior (e.g. "How do you think he felt when you took the toy?).  The author, and the experts she cites, also suggest that you don't provide actual, material rewards for prosocial behavior, but provide "opportunities to do good - opportunities that the child will see as voluntary."

Opportunities to do good are everywhere, and one of the things I found helpful about this piece is that it reminded me that the smaller, individual opportunities can be as important as the grand ones in terms of the development of a child's sense of connection to the world and her role in it.  If compassion and caring may be habit-forming, then there are many ways to develop that habit.  One of the reasons for starting Raising the Village was the conversations I had with other parents about how difficult it was to engage in volunteering and other community work with kids, because of time constraints, planning challenges, and lack of easy access to activities that permit and welcome children.  I'm hoping we can continue to create and share those larger opportunities to involve kids in the work of our communities. 

But even when those larger opportunities aren't around, or life gets in the way, we do well not to forget or forego the little habits of compassion.  In my house, we've had a lot of commitments lately, and seasonal viruses and, well, the recurring elementary school plague of head lice, so finding the time to practice a bit of meaningful civic engagement has been challenging.  But this evening, we spent the time before dinner writing thank you notes for gifts my daughter received for her birthday.  A slow process with a seven-year old, but it proved to be surprisingly enjoyable for both of us, as we thought about what she could say (and spell) that would communicate to others how much she appreciated each particular gift.  It's a bit ironic, I realize, to bring this up, since my very first post for this blog was entitled "Beyond Please and Thank You."  Still, it helps to remember that a please or thank you, or a chance to set the table or write up the grocery list can be an opportunity to do good.  

So, what opportunities have you've found?  What's worked well, and what hasn't?